DWTS, Power Rankings: Finals Preview

I’m calling an audible this week and doing a Finals PREview instead of a Semi-Finals Review, for one very important reason: The Chicago Cubs fanbase has totally screwed up the curve. So instead of talking about who deserves to win the mirror ball trophy, we should probably be talking about if David has enough votes to cause Normani or Rashad to lose. FREAKING-OUT-EMOJIS.

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4. David Ross

You don’t have to know me for very long to learn I’m a big sports girl. One look at my Twitter feed and you’ll see ALL.THE.SPORTS along with an irrational love of Rickie Fowler, which technically still falls under sports. To understand David making The Finals, you have to understand baseball, the World Series and a 108 year drought. ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT YEARS. There are generations of insanely grateful Chicago Cubs fans asking themselves how they could ever repay this guy for making their sports dreams come true and do you know how they’ve decided to do it? BY DOMINATING THE DANCING WITH THE STARS POLLS. And the judges don’t help. Their shock when Simone got kicked off, instead of David, just reeked of melodrama. I hope they come up with a new way to say “America loves you, but we still think you suck” because I’m getting tired of hearing “you’re the heart of this competition.” Giant eye roll.

David’s scores from the Semi-Finals: 

Judges Challenge Round, Julianne: Foxtrot (34 out of 40)

Watch: Tango (36 out of 40)

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3. Simone Biles

First things first, that glitter bra Simone wore was KILLER. Now, about her performance this season: I thought overall the judges were unfairly harsh on her. Look at how this week it took her just a few minutes with Carrie Ann to understand how to “act out” the characters in the dance and make small facial adjustments. If someone had showed her that in Week 2, alllllll this stupid drama could have been avoided and honestly, she probably would have won. They expected more from her than the other celebrities and IMO, they pushed her too hard. If an Olympic medalist breaks down crying and says it’s too hard, THEN IT’S TOO FREAKING HARD PEOPLE. I’m glad she ended up with two perfect scores and went out with a bang. She was the star of last week’s episode…well, her and Normani’s grandma but more on that later. Also, did that balance beam in her last dance make anyone else start crying and chanting USA! USA! USA!? We love you Simone! Thanks for everything. #TheFinalFive

Simone’s scores from the Semi-Finals:

Watch: Judges Challenge Round, Carrie Ann: Jive (40 out of 40)

Rumba (40 out of 40)

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2. Rashad Jennings

I LOVE to watch Rashad dance, but could never fully put my finger on why. When the judges explained that usually female pro’s have to “back lead”, I realized that Emma doesn’t do that with Rashad. He’s so amazing to watch because he leads like a man is supposed to in ballroom dance. Unfortunately, he comes in second for me because he hasn’t shown he can consistently dance the best each week and consistency is key. My husband claims he can play basketball as good as LeBron *sometimes*, he just can’t do it consistently. (Obviously this is a joke. I mean, no, he actually said it, but it’s not true. Sorry hunny.) I didn’t know much about Rashad before this season, but I REALLY like him now and somebody in the NFL better give him a job or I will cry. Also, only Bruno would call a football player a “sportman.” That’s so embarrassing.

Rashad’s scores from the Semi-Finals:

Watch: Judges Challenge Round, Bruno: Rumba (38 out of 40)

Quickstep (39 out of 40)

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1. Normani Kordei

At the start of this season, I mentioned that I once called Fifth Harmony slutty on Twitter and their psychotic harem of fans annihilated me. I’m ashamed to admit that each week you’ve all been witnesses of my journey to become an official member of the Harem. (Well, all 4 of you who read this blog. Hi mom!) I’m not saying I’m gonna buy tickets to a Fifth Harmony concert or anything (btw, did you know there are only 4 of them now? Yeah, I wikipedia’d them. Don’t judge me.) but Normani has won me over. She has been the best and most consistent dancer week after week and she deserves to win the mirror ball. Let’s just hope it doesn’t over-inflate Val’s already giant ego. Have you ever watched his Insta-stories? The man’s got abs, no doubt, but a story of you dancing alone, shirtless, is kinda weird. I’m totally still going to watch them, but it’s weird.

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And finally, about Normani grandmama. IDK why Val looked so shocked when she macked down on him on national television after he said: “First of all, Barbara’s already taken and she’s mine.” DON’T PLAY WITH OLD LADIES’ HEARTS VAL- said Normani’s grandma and American women everywhere.

Normani’s scores from the Semi-Finals:

Judges Challenge Round, Len: Viennese Waltz (36 out of 40)

Watch: Jazz (40 out of 40)

Don’t forget to tune in Monday & Tuesday night for the two-part finale to find out if the Chicago Cubs pull off another miracle! #GoCubsGo

FYI: The Masters

The Masters (hallowed be thy name) starts tomorrow. Now, I personally love golf, so I am downright giddy for the major season to begin, but I know most of you kids out there think golf is boring. I’m here to convince you that professional golf-ERS are FAR from boring. Don’t believe me? Watch this 2 minute recap of a spring break trip they took last year and documented all over social media: #SB2K16

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Now that you know golf-ERS aren’t boring, I’ve compiled a list of need-to-know basics as well as social media handles to liven up your Masters experience. You’re welcome.

The Golden Child: Jordan Spieth

Jordo (as I affectionately call him) put two in the water last year at Augusta and it cost him back to back green jackets. TBH, I’m still not over it. I’m sure the announcers will force us to relive it through relentless flashbacks and I will probably cry.

Insta: jordanspieth

The Golden Child’s Best Friend: Justin Thomas

Poor JT won back to back tournaments in Hawaii this year and is still being cast as Robin to Jordo’s Batman. If he’s in contention, you’ll most certainly hear about their friendship.

Insta: justinthomas34

Snapchat: jlthomas34

The Party Boy: Dustin Johnson

You don’t father two of Paulina Gretzky’s children by being a bore. DJ is the Vegas favorite to win The Masters and if he golfed as hard as he parties, you’d all be rich.

Insta: djohnsonpga

But really, you should just follow Paulina: paulinagretzky. (You HAVE to watch the video they made to “Single Ladies” after they got engaged. Omg.)

Snapchat: paulina_jean

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The Trendsetter: Rickie Fowler

High tops. Flat billed hats. Tattoos. The stuffy old golf world hates Slick Rick. I happen to adore him and if he wins ANY major this year, I will definitely cry. He’s also the best social media follow in all of golf.

Insta: rickiefowler

Snapchat: rickiefowler15

The Redneck: Bubba Watson

Bubba has recently started playing with bright highlighter colored golf balls. (I wish this was a joke.) He has an instagram, but his best social media presence is the #PrayforTedScott hashtag that inevitably pops up when he loses his temper with his caddie.

The Irishman: Rory McIlroy

If Rory-with-the-beautiful-accent can win The Masters he’ll earn the career grand slam at the ripe young age of 27. He’s also engaged to a former PGA of America employee so all you ladies out there need to get you a job working golf tournaments. THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU ALL.

Insta: rorymcilroy

Twitter: @mcilroyrory

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The Lefty: Phil Mickelson

PHIIIILLLLL (as I affectionately call him) is my favorite golfer EVER (#fangirl) and he’s in pursuit of his fourth green jacket at the ripe young age of 46. Also, the twitter dot com likes to make fun of him for an excessive gambling problem, but I refuse to believe this is true. Heart emoji.

Good ole Tiger Woods isn’t playing in The Masters this year and it appears he’s dying a slow and painful golf death. A bunch of people are upset about this, but I’m not one of them. I’ve always been more of a Phil girl than a Tiger girl anyway. PHIIIIILLLLLL.

One Last Note:

Golf Twitter is a gift from above. If you like ridiculous gifs, making fun of people and an overwhelming amount of inside jokes, these twitter accounts are for you. Some of the best to follow are: @nolayingup, @kyleportercbs, @shanebacon, @Skratch.

Or you can just follow me (@amyrenee825) because I’ll be retweeting everything these guys say anyway. So! While you watch The Masters, take this opportunity to get your social media in order because it won’t be long until #SB2K17… A tradition unlike any other.

March Madness

I’ve spent the better part of my adult life trying to talk women I know into filling out a March Madness bracket. Since I have rarely been successful, I thought, why not fail again in blog form? Starting this Thursday, there’s going to be A LOT of college basketball on your TV. Like, from tiny schools with mascots you’re not even sure what they are. (I’m looking at you, Banana Slugs.) So while you’re stuck watching this for the next 3 weeks (yes, it’s that long) wouldn’t it be much more enjoyable if you made an investment into these teams? The answer is yes.

Enter: the bracket.

Filling out a March Madness bracket is like gambling with fake money. You have a reason to pay attention to who wins, but you can still blow that hundred bucks at Target later. (Pro Tip: Don’t actually gamble on March Madness with real money because your odds of being correct are like 0%. Please inform the men in your life of this. WE NEED THAT MONEY FOR TARGET, DUDE.)

Also, you should be thankful I’m imparting my bracketology (real thing) knowledge upon you. One year, I got a 99.5% correct bracket. (Albeit, my husband’s was 99.7% correct and he continues to remind me of this.) Another year, I beat an entire office full of men. (Or at least I would have, if I would’ve put the bracket into the computer right. Technology has never been my friend.) I don’t actually watch college basketball until the tournament starts, so my picks are all random, with some biased explanation below. Feel free to copy it and laugh when everyone in your office is shocked your bracket is winning. Now, ask the nearest man in your life where you can get a bracket, or if you’re against “mansplaining” (not a real thing) just google it and let’s get this party started.

DISCLAIMER: There are also years my bracket is COMPLETELY wrong. The One with Amy’s Blog shall not be held liable for your bracket blowing up in the first round. Proceed at your own risk.

EAST

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Villanova is the overall #1 seed and a 16 has never upset a 1, so, duh.

Wisconsin over V-Tech mostly because orange and maroon do NOT match, but also because midwest boys are tough and the Badgers usually find a way to win.

Florida. You can obviously see my bias, but it’s not a *completely* ridiculous pick. Will we make it to the Final Four? I wish, but probably not. Since all you millions of readers are taking my advice though, I had to pick Duke over Florida. (Just know that all of Gator Nation hates me right now.)

South Carolina got a lucky draw and will be playing like 3 feet from their home court. But since the SEC suuuuuuucks in basketball (minus FL and Kentucky) I’m just gonna pick Marquette because historically, they do well in the tournament. Plus, I AM STILL VERY ANGRY AT MUSCHAMP.

WEST

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Every year I pick two 8’s and two 9’s because those games are 50/50 anyway. This year I ended up with Vandy over Northwestern which goes against every fiber of my SEC-sucks-at-basketball-being. The only thing I know for certain is the people playing in this game will one day rule the world. #geniuses

Princeton to upset Notre Dame. A very risky (and probably incorrect) pick but every year a team full of white guys gets a win. This year I’m betting on Princeton. (You have my permission to choose ND here instead.)

West Virginia, MOUNTAIN MAMA, because my family is from there originally. #themoreyouknow

Xavier over Maryland. Every time I DON’T pick Xavier they screw me.

VCU because I barely know where this school is, but they always make the tournament and they always win in the first round.

Gonzaga and Arizona to play in the Elite 8 because I really wanted to write ZAGA vs. ZONA on my bracket. Trust the process, people.

MIDWEST

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Obligatory Kansas pick even though they’re the most overrated team in the tournament EVERY. YEAR.

Michigan State over Miami because no one wants to be stuck in a gym all day when there’s a beautiful beach outside.

Iowa State. Was it last year all the Iowa teams were good? I can’t remember, but didn’t want to risk it being this team.

Creighton sounds like a rich frat boy’s name. Also, I have zero idea where this school is on the map.

Oregon because my brother’s girlfriend is from there and Pacific North-westerners are SO NICE. Bonus: Nike.

Louisville to the Final Four because: scandals win championships.

SOUTH

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UNC because Michael Jordan.

I picked Arkansas over Seton Hall to keep my two 8’s and two 9’s intact, but I have a feeling I’m going to regret this one.

Minnesota. I know nothing about this school except it’s where Brenda went to college when she left 90210 for those few episodes and also Rick Pitino’s son is their coach. So while his character may be questionable, he’s probably good at coaching basketball.

Cincinnati because I can’t pick THREE 11-over-6 upsets. That would just be stupid. (Unlike the rest of my choices.)

UCLA: basketball. legends. But in years past, they’ve let me down. Can’t trust em.

Wichita State. They only have 4 losses and that just looks so nice on a bracket.

FINAL FOUR

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Duke. Arizona. Louisville. Kentucky.

I’m picking Kentucky to win it all even though I would consider them to be in a “down year” by Kentucky standards (5 losses. lol.) I watched a 2 minute video of all the statistics of past champions, offensive/defensive percentage, some other stuff I didn’t understand and in the end, it told me to pick Kentucky.

So there you have it. The secret to a good March Madness bracket is… don’t watch basketball. Picks have to be in by Thursday at noon. GET MOVING and don’t forget to brush up on the lyrics to “One Shining Moment.”

 

 

FYI: Bowl Week

It’s bowl week people! Technically, the bowl games have been going on for like 2 weeks already, but those were super boring and you didn’t miss anything. No one really watches until this week anyway. If you’d like to act like you know what’s going on during our FINAL college football games this season (a slow tear falls softly down my cheek), here’s one giant FYI for all your bowl game viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

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Belk Bowl, Dec. 29 @ 5:30 PM, Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech

I heard an interview with Bret Bielema a couple months ago on Fox Sports Radio and HE IS SO LIKEABLE. Obviously, he has a great personality because his wife is WAY hotter than him. Also, whoever runs the Belk Bowl Twitter is an absolute rockstar. An interesting read if you’re bored during this game, which you most certainly will be. https://twitter.com/belkbowl

TaxSlayer Bowl, Dec. 31 @ 11 AM, Georgia Tech vs. Kentucky

This game is played in Jacksonville, FL at EverBank Field. Shoutout to my old employer!! Love you guys. Also, the only people that call this the TaxSlayer Bowl are the ones who call Florida/Georgia, “River City Showdown.” Can’t we just stick to what we know? This is the Gator Bowl. And FL/GA is The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

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Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl, Dec. 31 @ 11 AM, LSU vs. Louisville

If you were hoping to see Leonard Fournette play his last game as a LSU Tiger, you’ve already missed it. Bro will be chillin’ on the sideline so his NFL stock doesn’t tank. Also, Louisville’s quarterback won the Heisman, so now you know everything the announcers will say for 4 hours during this game. You’re welcome.

Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl, Dec. 31 @ 3 PM, Washington vs. Alabama 

The college football playoff is so rigged this year I can’t even see straight. We threw out the computer system because it couldn’t account for everything, and now we’re stuck with a committee full of humans who are completely biased by their eye balls. PENN STATE BEAT OHIO STATE AND WON THEIR CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP. Does Washington have a chance to win this game? No. If I hear another person say ROLL TIDE I am going to murder someone, just like Alabama will murder Washington. Sorry Pac-12. Thanks for coming.

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl, Dec. 31 @ 7 PM, Ohio State vs. Clemson

I’ll be cheering for Clemson in this game because PENN STATE BEAT OHIO STATE AND WON THEIR CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP. Inevitably, it won’t matter because Ohio State has sold their soul and will win even though PENN STATE BEAT OHIO STATE AND WON THEIR CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP.

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Rose Bowl Game Presented by Northwestern Mutual, Jan. 2 @ 5 PM, USC vs. Penn State

The greatest reason you should watch this bowl game is to see the USC cheerleaders outfits, and what will inevitably be (because it always is) the most beautiful blue sky that will make you wish with all your heart and soul that you were in the Tournament of Roses Parade in southern California. ALSO, PENN STATE BEAT OHIO STATE AND WON THEIR CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP. I WILL NEVER STOP SAYING THIS.

College Football Playoff National Championship, Jan. 9 @ 8 PM, Alabama vs. Ohio State (probably)

My Predictions:

Bama wins. Urban Meyer fakes another heart attack. Nick Saban has to retire/die at some point, so while we hope for that day: We will all roll our eyes at another Alabama ring and start tracking 5 star high school recruits on Twitter, begging them to come to our school. Also, we will look forward to next year, BECAUSE THAT WILL BE OUR YEAR, right?

237 days until College Football returns!

Poldark: the new Downton Abbey

Poldark is set in 18th century Cornwall, England and stars our main man, Ross Poldark. Ross is a British soldier in the Revolutionary War and is sent to fight in America. When he returns to Cornwall (with a gnarly scar on his face) he realizes his family thought he was dead. While he was away, his father DID die, so he gets stuck with the suckier end of the family property and a copper mine that doesn’t produce copper. Oh yeah and also- THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS ENGAGED TO HIS COUSIN. So there’s that.

If you have FOMO (“fear of missing out” for my mom who’s reading this) then you need to borrow someone’s Amazon Prime password and start streaming the first two seasons of Poldark ASAP. The show is made by Masterpiece PBS just like Downton Abbey, and while it has similarities to Downton, it has more action and IMO is even better. Season 3 is currently filming and is set to air (probably) in the spring of 2017, so you have ample time to catch up. Here are 3 reasons why it’s super awesome:

1. Jane Austen on Steroids

We all know there can never be another Jane Austen. Her ability to poke fun of social etiquette and the way she tells a love story can never be replicated. Poldark, which was originally a set of novels, is similar to Austen’s stories and takes it’s drama up a level. It’s darker with scandals, illegal activity and love affairs. It’s scarier with creepy prisons, starving peasants and A LOT of death. There’s family drama for daysssss and the rest of the Poldark cast includes a villain banker who thinks he can buy himself into nobility; a handsome genteel doctor, who is penniless with a heart of gold; and one super tough, admirable, and absolutely beautiful scullery maid.

2. Aidan Turner

Look, I can’t say too much about this because I’m a married woman, so I’ll just say there’s a blog online that keeps count of how many times Aidan Turner takes his shirt off each episode. You’re welcome.

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And also, while we’re here, just a PSA that even though Ross Poldark is very nice to look at, he’s no Tim Riggins. #TexasForever

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3. Love Triangle/Square/Pentagon? It’s a lot.

To not give away too much of the story, I can only tell you the beginning: Ross and Elizabeth are each other’s first love and they are supposed to be married when Ross returns from the war. Elizabeth thinks he’s dead, so she ends up engaged to Ross’ cousin, Francis. Ross returns, but he’s kinda poor, so gold-digging Elizabeth MARRIES FRANCIS ANYWAY. (smh) Ross is heartbroken, but ends up married to another chick. Then said other chick REALIZES Ross and Elizabeth pretty much still love each other and oh. my. gracious. just. seriously. start watching it right now. I can’t tell you anymore.

Go!!

Thanksgiving Holiday TV Guide

You know the Thanksgiving drill. Eat, shop, get a couple days off work and survive in VERY tight quarters with a lot of family members. You can’t talk about the election (read: *shouldn’t* talk about the election). You don’t want to answer for the umpteenth time why you and such and such broke up. You shop to get out of the house for a minute, but eventually you run out of money and your feet hurt. Time to turn on the TV! Here’s what you should watch:

Football! If you hate football, you should just save your carbs and skip Thanksgiving all together, because there will be A LOT of football. These are the games that will be the most entertaining:

Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys

Cowboys and Indians on Thanksgiving day? Are they still allowing this in PC 2016? You might have one emotional family member at your Thanksgiving table crying over the election, but let’s be for real- Bring up Tony Romo’s “resignation” speech and the entire table will start sobbing.

LSU at Texas A&M

Texas A&M lasted a hot second in the playoff rankings this year (RIP to those 4 days) so this game doesn’t matter. But let’s take a minute to discuss the real issue here. We all know this game SHOULD be Texas at Texas A&M. What do we have to do to get that game back? I mean, we got Chick-fil-A to bring back their original BBQ sauce, there HAS to be a way to get this done.

Auburn at Alabama:

IMO, this is the greatest rivalry game in all of sports. The tradition…the rednecks…it doesn’t get any better. The best part about this game is even though Alabama absolutely destroys every.single.team.they.play. (foreshadowing to my poor Gators on Dec. 3) in a rivalry like this anything can happen, kick six.

Michigan at Ohio State:

I hate both of these teams and wish they could both lose, but this game has MAJOR playoff ranking implications. Also, good luck to all you Ohio State fans out there when you find out 5 years from now there’s a murderer on your team. #Urban

When you’re tired of football/want to hide from everyone watching it: 

The Crown 

If you know me at all and/or follow me on Twitter, you know I’m OBSESSED with the royal family. Kate Middleton is my spirit animal and I send photos of George and Charlotte to my family, like they are my actual children. When the latest news of Prince Harry and Rachel-from-Suits broke, it was gossip central on my phone and my husband made this joke:

Me: “Prince Harry is actually for real dating Meghan Markle OMGGGGG”

Him: “Mike is gonna be PISSED.”

When I saw an advertisement for The Crown, I knew this show would be straight up my lowly, commoner alley. The Crown tells the story of how the current Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, came to power. I am only a couple episodes in (I’ll be posting recaps btw, once everyone has a chance to watch) and I love it already. I can only hope that one day I’ll be watching an entire Netflix series about Kate Middleton and her fabulous wardrobe.

You know I saved the best for last: Gilmore Girls Revival!!!

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WE HAVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS. Bless-ed four, 90-minute episodes that will allow us back into Stars Hollow for one more year of sweet Gilmore bliss. Back with Lorelai and Rory and their caffeine induced pop culture references. Back to see if Luke is still wearing the same hat and what bizarre town activity Kirk and Taylor are planning. Back for one last look at Dean, Jess and Logan to determine which one Rory will choose. (#TeamJess!) Back to wonder if Luke and Lorelai will EVER get married?! And back to FINALLY hear the last four words.

You can check out my favorite Gilmore Girls episodes here, but on the morning of November 25th, you better make sure you have your affairs in order. I mean it. Get your pizza, your burgers, your fries, licorice, mallowmars, assortment of poptarts, donuts and ice cream because it’s not just a TV show…it’s a lifestyle.

Favorite Gilmore Girls Episodes

In honor of this Friday’s GLORIOUS event, I’ve listed my favorite episode from each Gilmore Girls season. If you don’t have time to re-watch all 153 episodes before Friday, because like, you have a job- you should make time to watch these in preparation for A Year in the Life. 

Season 1, Episode 6: “Rory’s Birthday Parties” 

In the juxtaposition of Rory’s two VASTLY different birthday parties, we learn quite a bit about our Gilmore Girls. This episode marks a shift toward Emily, Lorelai and Rory learning to understand each other and repair broken family ties.

Bonus: One of the best mother/daughter moments on the entire show when Lorelai wakes Rory up at the exact time she was born and lovingly/dramatically retells her birth story.

Season 2, Episode 22: “I Can’t Get Started”

I love this episode for one reason: RORY KISSES JESS AND WE ALL FORGET WHO DEAN EVEN IS. (#TeamJess) Sookie’s wedding and responsible/adorable Christopher Hayden also make an appearance.

Bonus: This episode boasts the world famous “Oy, with the poodles already!” scene.

It’s a tie because I can’t choose: 

Season 3, Episode 7: “They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They?”

The 24 hour dance marathon is CLASSIC Stars Hollow. Hilarity ensues by the towns people, the gloves come off in the Rory-Dean-Jess love triangle and Kirk puts on his finest performance.

Season 3, Episode 9: “A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving”

This episode has all the makings of a perfect Gilmore adventure. Jess and Rory’s new relationship, Sookie’s in-laws, and four Thanksgiving dinners to “eat and eat and eat and eat.” Don’t skip the rolls.

Bonus: Cat Kirk.

Season 4, Episode 22: “Raincoats & Recipes”

SO MUCH HAPPENS in this episode and honestly, it’s the only one in Season 4 that’s not super boring. Rory sleeps with married Dean (I don’t love that) and LUKE KISSES LORELAI OMG.

Bonus: The test run at the Dragonfly. Pure. Gold.

Season 5, Episode 7: “You Jump, I Jump, Jack”

I am obsessed with the Life and Death Brigade. Logan & company are admittedly charming and I would have TOTALLY been talked into jumping off the scaffolding with just an umbrella too. This episode is great because it’s our first glimpse into Rory and Logan’s budding relationship.

Bonus: Luke golfs in jeans.

Season 6, Episode 8: “Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out”

I love this episode because: Jess. But also because it’s when the lightbulb finally comes on for Rory. Our girl has been making VERY questionable decisions, quitting Yale, not speaking to her mother and getting sucked into the rich, privileged life of Logan & company. There’s no one better to snap her back to reality than her old flame, Jess.

Bonus: The Jess & Logan feud.

Season 7, Episode 22: “Bon Voyage” 

I don’t really love any of Season 7, but the series finale gives us one last look at a full Stars Hollow cast to see our beloved towns people send Rory off. Luke spends all night sewing a tent so rain won’t ruin their party and Lorelai realizes how much they still love each other. They kiss and we’re left to hope/assume they end up together.

Bonus: When Rory says to Lorelai “You’ve given me everything I need.” Get your tissues ready, folks. This one brings out all the feels.

It’s important to note that Amy Sherman-Palladino, because of contract negotiations (read: fighting) did not write Season 7, so for almost 10 years we’ve been wondering how the show was really SUPPOSED to end. Amy and our Gilmore Girls will finally get the ending they deserve with the Netflix revival and their long awaited last four words.

GET READY, people. It’s THIS. FRIDAY.

Longmire: The Best Show You’ve Never Heard Of

I can’t lie to you. I first heard of this show because of a cute boy. You remember Aiden from Revenge, right? Freaking-adorable-British-bad-boy Aiden. (Sigh. Miss you.) Anyway, turns out beautiful Aiden Mathis’ real name is Barry Sloane. He posted an Instagram photo saying he was going to be in this show called Longmire and I was like “what the heck is Longmire, but who cares because I’ll watch anything with Aiden Mathis in it again.” (My husband can attest to this because I forced him to watch like 8 episodes of The Whispers before we just couldn’t stand it anymore. That’s #truelove, Barry Sloane.) Longmire, on the other hand, turned out to be a diamond in the rough and you should all start binge watching it RIGHT THIS SECOND. Here’s why you should watch all 5 seasons on Netflix:

1. Cowboys and Indians

The show centers around Walt Longmire, the Sheriff of (pretend) Absaroka County in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, located next to the Cheyenne Reservation. There’s a ton of bureaucratic rules between the white man’s land and the Rez (what the cool kids call it) so Walt is always doing something to anger the Tribal Police and vice versa. Mix in some murder, racketeering, a little peyote- and you’ve got yourself a good ole fashioned cowboys and indians feud. (Feather, not dot, obviously.) In an ironic twist, Walt’s best friend is a Native American named Henry Standing Bear. He speaks without ever using a contraction. It’s weird, but endearing.

2. John Wayne Revival

Did we all grow up with dads obsessed with John Wayne and Clint Eastwood? Because I certainly did. Walt Longmire is a modern day John Wayne. He plays by his own rules, never uses conventional methods to solve a crime and usually ends up putting himself in danger to save someone else. He’s tough, yet caring. A man of few words, yet delivers a punch when he chooses to speak. He’s the quintessential American cowboy and in today’s fast-paced technological world, he’s a no-cell-phone-carrying breath of fresh air.

3. Drama, Suspense & Utter Shock 

Ok, so this is really what we’re after in a good show, right? Something that makes us say YESSSSSSS to Netflix’s condescending “Are you still watching?” question. (I hate that thing.) You have to be patient with Longmire in the beginning. Each episode is kind of it’s own individual crime/solve the crime formula. However, the story soon starts to overarch through entire seasons with some insane twists and turns that you just. can’t. stop. watching.

4. Eye Candy

Whether you’re 25 or 65, we all can appreciate a little TV eye candy. #amiright? (And trust me, I actually know a 60 year old woman who thinks Walt is hott. Crying laughing emoji.) I told you Barry Sloane is in it, but he’s actually only in a few episodes. So here’s some photos for you to see Walt, Branch and Travis. (Disclaimer: I don’t particularly find Travis attractive and he’s kind of a doofus- BUT, he’s the same actor who played Tim Riggins’ brother in Friday Night Lights and I’ll use any excuse available to post a photo of Tim Riggins. You’re welcome.) There are also a fair number of shirtless, war-painted Native Americans with super long black hair, if you’re into that kind of thing.

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Walt
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Branch
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Travis
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Tim Riggins (Not in this show. Don’t care.)

5. Of course, the Love Story

You can pack all the mystery, gunshot wounds and Wyoming wilderness into any show, but the underlying love story really sells it. The Longmire curtain opens with Walt mourning the death of his beloved wife. The story takes about a million twists and turns from there, while the entire town thinks he’s secretly in love with his (much younger) deputy, Victoria Moretti. (Who is a PISTOL, by the way.) Is Vic in love with him? Is their relationship inappropriate? Or is it just a close, caring bond as is expected when you put your life on the line for each other. Guess you’ll have to watch and decide for yourself.

Longmire’s final season will air exclusively on Netflix sometime next fall. Until then, you have almost a year to start and finish your binge. We all know you don’t even need half that time. So grab yourself a Rainier (unless you’re a Baptist) and enjoy your tour of the wild wild west.