Suits, Ep. 14: “Admission of Guilt” Recap

I’ve noticed in trying to write Suits recaps that I don’t actually understand a lot of what is going on in this show. They talk one step below Gilmore Girls fast and use legal jargon that IDK what most it means. However, I have watched every episode for six seasons and I can ALMOST understand all the words in the opening song! Small victories. #TheGreenbackBoogie

I’d like to introduce you to our new “define terms” section for Suits. You know, like your middle school science book had, so you could learn what an igneous rock was? (You still don’t know what an igneous rock is, do you. Your Earth Science teacher hates you right now.)

Craig Seidel– Guy who controls the character and fitness section of the bar. Claims some company called Velocity stole his technology. Tries to strong arm Harvey into getting it back.

Velocity– See above.

James Palmer– Lawyer for Velocity. Really big ears.

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The Lawsuit

Mike and Harvey decide to use the legal aid clinic to sue Velocity so it looks legitimate. (These guys just can’t help themselves from playing with fire.) The reason Craig wants to sue Velocity is so their stock will tank, but the reason Harvey and Mike want to sue them is so Craig will “sponsor” Mike into the bar exam, using his years of work experience, instead of law school.

Halfway through this very confusing episode:

Husband: “Why doesn’t Mike just go to law school?”

Me: “I don’t think he’s allowed.”

Husband: “But he’s allowed to be sponsored into taking the bar? I don’t think that’s a thing. You should put that in your blog.”

In conclusion, the official Smeltzer family stance here is that this isn’t a real thing. Moving on.

The Legal Aid Clinic

Mike’s boss is very angry with him. I’ve decided to name him Cranky Nathan. Cranky Nathan keeps yelling at Mike, but TBH Mike is lying to him and using his clinic to do something fairly illegal, soooo Cranky Nathan is not entirely wrong. Mike is still nice to Ollie even though he sucks in court and tries to encourage him that he’s still a good lawyer WHILST (Friends joke. I’m hilarious.) he’s researching hidden things to make up an illegal lawsuit. Mike confesses the plan to Ollie. He wants to tell Cranky Nathan and that, my friends, is a bad idea.

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The Lie

Big ears Palmer lets us in on a little secret. Ole Craig lied to us and Harvey is piiiiiiissed. Turns out, he was in on the “stealing” of the technology and got paid $300 million. Apparently, the reason he asked Harvey to start this lawsuit was because the bad guys turned on him, which if you ask me, is kind of an occupational hazard when you work with bad guys. Duh. Harvey blackmails him into pinky promising Mike will be able to take the bar.

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The Other Firm News

Louis and Tara are SOOOOOOO cute. I do not find a single thing attractive about Louis Litt, but I’m glad someone else does.

Harvey and Louis are playing so nice together now! Mommy Jessica would be so proud. Or at least she would have been until they got fired by a very important client. Oops.

“The Donna” (digital voice box) is learning to be empathetic, although I’m still not really sure where this storyline is taking us. Wouldn’t it be crazy if the technology that made The Donna is the technology that Velocity stole and IT Ben is in on it?? PLOT. TWIST.

Suits, Ep. 13: “Teeth, Nose, Teeth” Recap

So, I need to apologize to all 4 of you who read my recaps each week. I’m a little late with this week’s post because I CAN’T STOP WATCHING SNEAKY PETE. AHHHHHHH

Our episode begins with Mike and Harvey rekindling their bromance, AND THANK GOODNESS because I couldn’t take anymore of their yelling, fighting and being separated in prison. Mike and Rachel announce they are finally getting married (yay!), and they each ask Harvey and Donna to be their best man/maid of honor. (Awww.) Mike makes a joke about Harvey tryin’ to get with Donna during the wedding, we laugh, and all is right in our little Suits world again. Party popper emoji.

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The Case

Ok this lady is kind of an idiot. Mike gets her a settlement of $25,000 so she can move into an apartment that has zero shattered windows and she wants to hold out for a CHANCE at more money. Also, asthma treatments every year for her kid are going to be at least $25,000? Seriously? How much is an inhaler? HE’LL BE FINE.

I failed to mention in last week’s blog that Oliver (whom we’ll call Ollie) blew it in court. Mike tries to give the case to someone else, but there’s no one left to do it. Also, since Mike is a known fraud, he can’t even sit at the table and secretly help Ollie. They pull an all-nighter to prepare and poor Ollie STILL blows it. They lose the case, the stupid woman gets no money, and Mike realizes that as much as he wants to help people, his hands are tied because he’s not a real lawyer.

The Bar

Rachel is denied an interview to the character and fitness (aka: “made up”) section of the bar. She freaks out, then Louis freaks out, and Harvey fixes it. Turns out the dude who schedules the interviews wants a favor from Harvey. He tries to strong arm Harvey into bringing a lawsuit against his competitor that will be laced with “ethical ambiguity.”

Which brings me to my next point:

The Take Down

Every season of Suits is basically the same. There are various high level executives, lawyers, investment guys, stock brokers, etc. all middle-aged white dudes that LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME trying to take down Harvey, Mike, or The Firm. As great lawyers should, they fight back and end up using the take down to their advantage. Even when Mike was in prison, they took down his CELLMATE’S FATHER-IN-LAW to help get him out. I mean, what are the odds of that, people?

Harvey, as per usual, turns things around on this new guy (whose name I still don’t know) and ends up with a chance to get Mike into the bar. Like, almost legally. Fingers crossed.

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The Donna

Donna flirts with the IT boy so much that he makes a tiny digital voice box called “The Donna.” I don’t know if this was a one off plot line, or if this will continue through the rest of the season, but maybe they’ll make a Harvey box to tell the Donna box how much he loves her.

Ok, break’s over. I gotta go, BACK TO SNEAKY PETE!!!

Suits, Ep. 12: “The Painting” Recap

The Green Thing

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There’s some debate online about whether this painting is a duck or an alligator. Honestly, I paid no attention and thought it was a frog for like the first 5 seasons. So, whatever the green thing is, at least we all know it represents a happier time in Harvey’s life. Yeah, it doesn’t exactly match the teal on his office walls or go with his giant record collection (#swoon) but that’s not the point. The point is that for years Harvey resented his mother, but held onto a happy memory of her. (Until that savage Elliot guy took it- Idk who he even is, but that was a terrible scene to watch.) Why did Harvey keep this painting? Because people don’t really WANT to hate their family members and underneath all of Harvey’s tough guy exterior, he really needs his family. This is exactly like when Billy Riggins kicked Tim out of the house and he ended up having to sleep in his truck, but eventually they made up and beat the crap out of a scary meth dealer. (If you can’t draw the parallel between those two storylines, I can’t help you. #missyou, Rigs. Pink heart with the arrow emoji.)

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Back to the recap: Harvey’s brother is really the star of this episode. Being the family peacekeeper is a tough job. (Or so I’ve been told, I’m certainly not it, DJ is. Thanks Bubba.) Harvey goes to Boston to reconcile with his mom, hits a few bumps along the way, but is ultimately saved by his brother’s intervention. When he returns to the firm, he apologizes for screaming in Louis’ face and they decide to be co-managing partners. They also decide not to change the name of the firm which makes ZERO sense because you can’t be “Pearson Specter Litt” with no Pearson. Louis alludes to leaving the name in case Jessica decides to come back. Is this foreshadowing? Or are the Suits writers just toying with my emotions again.

Mike gets a job! Go Mike! 

Mike becomes a supervisor at a legal aid clinic and turns over a new leaf by telling everyone about his fraudulent life on like his second day of being the boss. Surprisingly, it goes over well. He works with super-curly-headed-girl on a case that they’re going to lose. He ends up giving a random lady $3600 of HIS OWN MONEY so she won’t get evicted. Which prompted this discussion in my head: when you go to prison, they freeze your assets right? But when you get out of prison, do they unfreeze them? Like, let’s say you were a fake lawyer for like 5 years and you made a gazillion dollars from it. Do you get to keep that gazillion dollars even though the way you earned it was a crime?? I guess so because bruh has $3600 to just give away to strangers. (Although I really wish he would have saved that for his own rent, so I don’t have to say goodbye to that FABULOUS apartment he and Rachel live in.)

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The New Green Thing

After Harvey reconciles with his mother, he gets an updated version of the weird green painting. I love the new green thing. A) it’s a photograph, so it doesn’t look near as weird as the original. B) the new photo has Harvey, his mother AND the unidentified green animal. All emotional turmoil has now been tied up in a neat little bow. While episodes like this aren’t super fast paced and edge-of-your-seat interesting, I like to see the character’s backstories. I do think we’ve beat this Harvey’s mom horse to death though. Now that he’s been through therapy and forgiven her, can he just be ready to have a serious relationship with Donna already? Sigh.

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Suits Ep. 11: “She’s Gone” Recap

Previously on Suits: Louis & Tara get engaged. Jessica leaves the firm. Harvey and Donna hold hands. (Eeek!)

#Darvey

THAT. OPENING. SCENE. OH MY GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I sat with my mouth gaping open, with no ability to speak, other than to whisper WHAAATTT. I was so stunned, I didn’t realize until it was over, it was Harvey and Donna’s first on screen kiss! Let’s review: if you’re an avid “suitor” you know that Harvey and Donna chose a professional relationship over a personal one. (Kind of.) Over time it’s been revealed that they slept together once (back in the day), but Donna closed the door on our little flashback heaven and we never saw them kiss. Until last night. And it was perfect. Just, oh. so. perfect.

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OR AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF IT WAS REAL! I hate the Suits writers for doing this to us, but honestly, I was kinda happy it was a dream. First, when Harvey and Donna finally get together, I want ZERO percent of it off screen. Do you hear me Suits writers? ZERO PERCENT. Second, I was excited to see it was HARVEY’S dream. The show spends so much time on Donna’s love for Harvey and her wanting more from their relationship, while Harvey won’t confess his true feelings. With this dream, they’ve given us insight into Harvey’s mind.

Dream psychoanalysis: Harvey really does love Donna. And not just in the way he told her last season and then refused to elaborate. (Cop out.) He loves her in THAT way. Probably so much that he can’t express it. In the dream we see how he’s haunted by the fact Donna told him if they go there again, she won’t work for him anymore. Since we know he can’t function without her (hello panic attacks), he’s terrified of losing her. Therefore, he shuts himself off emotionally and never allows them to cross that line. (He’s also still reeling from losing Jessica, and I think this is supposed to show us how utterly worse it would be for him to lose Donna.)

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So. That’s 330 words and a dream interpretation on Harvey and Donna’s relationship all from one (pretend) kiss. You’re welcome.

The Firm

Bunk keeps offering a merger but no one trusts him. (Technically they call him Robert Zane in this show, but he will always be Bunk from The Wire.) Louis hunts down ole Katrina to get her to poach 10 associates from Bunk’s firm and bring them over to whatever Pearson Specter Litt will be called now. She’s successful, but only with the help of Bunk. Turns out he really wasn’t trying to screw them, he was trying to help them for his own daughter’s sake.

The Bar

Speaking of Rachel, I refuse to believe there’s a real section of the bar called “character and fitness.” This sounds made up. Even so, Rachel seems VERY worried about it. I suppose agreeing to marry a fraud looks a tad shady… even to a group of lawyers. She contemplates going to work for her dad, but doesn’t want to leave the fam. Ultimately Louis saves the day with the sweetest job offer that’s ever existed.

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Hard Knock Life

Harvey offers Mike a job back at the firm as a “consultant” but he’s an idiot and won’t take it. Why he thinks anyone in NYC will hire him to do legal work after he went to PRISON FOR BEING A FRAUDULENT LAWYER is beyond me. We’ve been waiting months to get the squad back together and instead Mike decides to be a teacher?! (Where he learns real quick, btw, that high school kids are meaner than any lawyer could ever be.) Harvey tries to help him, but it backfires. (Related: what’s a Suits episode without an opposing lawyer threatening to take them all down for doing something semi-illegal? No one likes you, Anita.) Mike and Harvey get into a shouting match which is really just about their own inner turmoil. As per usual.

Yo Mama

Let’s review again: When Harvey was 16, he caught his mom cheating on his dad and suffered in silence for 2 years before his mom finally left them. Donna, being Donna, is the only one who can tell Harvey he was using Jessica and Mike as substitutes for his real family. Now that they’ve left him, he needs to heal and he can’t do that until he makes amends with his mother, her betrayal, and his feelings of abandonment. I hope he gets all of his emotional issues sorted out in one week because I’m ready to get this #Darvey party started.