Yours, Mine, and “Ours”: George, Elizabeth & Valentine
This season of Poldark started only 7 weeks ago, but I barely remember what happened at the beginning. It’s like an 18th century soap opera! Ok, right, Elizabeth has a baby. And she’s married to George, but errrrrbody know it’s Ross’ baby. The kid all but came out with washboard abs and long curly dark hair. Poor
nine eight month baby had all of it’s fingernails too. (Is it true that 8 month babies don’t have fingernails? Could we get a preemie mom to confirm this? Cause it kind of grosses me out.) Also, Valentine is like the worst boy name ever, so besides being a terrible human, thanks for that too, George.
100 Emoji: Aunt Agatha
George’s worst offense this season (and man, the list is long) was easily his treatment of Aunt Agatha. He basically killed her. What kind of horrible person won’t give a 98/100 year old woman a birthday party?! Don’t worry tho, Aunt Aggie always gets the last word. THAT BABY DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU BRUH. She out.
Romeo & Juliet: Drake & Morwenna
Someone on Twitter voted these two the “Tearing my Guts Out Couple of the Year” so I have graciously awarded this to them. I was unsure how the addition of Demelza’s brothers would go, but I have absolutely loved it. Drake and Morwenna are my FAVORITE storyline this season. Their love is so perfect and sweet. I would say they are #relationshipgoals but no one’s goals should include being ripped apart and forced to marry a CREEPY HORRIBLE DISGUSTING RAPIST. Maybe instead of #relationshipgoals we can say “Find someone who brings you adorable love tokens like Drake brings Morwenna.” I don’t know how well that will hashtag.
Sidenote: We HAVE to talk about Rowella. WHAT THE HECK IS SHE DOING. Is she really pregnant? She has a plan, right? She’s not timid and stupid like she pretends to be when she talks to the Vicar. (“I’ve written to the Bishop about my condition, to ask him to pray for me.” That’s laugh out loud funny.) But what is her plan exactly? Extortion, (dolla, dolla, bill y’all) but was she also taking one for the team so the Vicar would stop raping Morwenna? Can they get divorced now because Rowella is pregnant? What kind of names are Morwenna and Rowella anyway? WHY CAN’T DRAKE AND MORWENNA JUST RUN AWAY TOGETHER? I miss the days when Drake, Morwenna and Geoffrey Charles frolicked on the beach. Life was so simple then. Sigh. Speaking of…
Boy Wonder: Geoffrey Charles
This kid is the breakout star of the season. He inherited all of the Poldark good qualities and none of the bad. He’s one of my favorite characters now and Francis would be so proud of him for standing up to George!! One minor detail in the kid storyline bothers me tho. So he’s older than Jeremy Poldark because Jeremy is technically the 2nd kid, but Geoffrey Charles goes from being like 5 to 10 and Jeremy Poldark is still 4! This kid hasn’t grown at all. Furthermore, his baby sister gets older but he still doesn’t! I half expected their next storyline to be that Jeremy has Rickets just like Valentine and it would prove they had the same DNA. DUN DUN DUN. But apparently, no, we are totally cool with passing off Ross’ kid as George’s. Everybody’s on board. Including Elizabeth’s Bible.
Best Friends Forever: Dr. Enys and Caroline
Dr. Enys & Caroline are either like, the best friends in the entire world, or the worst. I’m pretty sure Dr. Enys knows something is up with “George’s” baby and he also knows Ross and Demelza had a really big fight approximately 9 months prior. Although, he has been suffering in a French prison, so maybe he forgot. They BOTH know that Hugh is after Ross’ wife and they’re kinda like meh, NBD. Talk about minding your own business. These two will take your secrets to their grave.
Three’s a Crowd: Ross, Demelza & Hugh Armitage
Am I the only one who thinks Hugh fell in love with Demelza ridiculously fast? This is some Disney Princess romance right here. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HER BRO. You literally saw her once when you got off the boat from your OWN suffering in the French prison. You probably would’ve told Prudie she looked like the Mona Lisa under those circumstances. This guy has some guts to openly pursue a married woman. He tells Dr. Enys! Ross’ best friend! I mean, I know you guys were besties in the French prison dude, but Ross is A1 since day 1. You need to find another confidante.
The worst part of this was Ross being SUCH AN IDIOT. He has done some stupid things on this show (and man, THAT list is long) but how daft can you be when your wife is literally telling you an EXTREMELY HANDSOME MAN is after her?! Instead of saying, “please don’t run off with Hugh, it will kill me,” he sarcastically retorts that Hugh’s probably not really interested in her anyway. THE POEMS AND PICTURES AND FLOWERS SEEM TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE, SIR.
This is just a perfect storm of a disaster. Demelza has never been wooed a day in her life, Ross takes her for granted, HUGH IS GOING TO BE BLIND IN SIX MONTHS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD and yes, we all know this is because Ross kissed Elizabeth in the dang church but the moral of the story is this: Getting even isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but you don’t usually find that out until after you’ve done it. Do you, Demelza?
I’m considering moving to the UK so I don’t have to wait an entire year for Season 4. I mean, or I could read the books, but moving to London seems faster. Cheers!