1) Am I the only one that noticed Chic’s tears turning into a half smile when Betty and Alice were fighting? What is this dude’s agenda?

2) Could Betty and Jughead BE any cuter? If you can’t confide in your boyfriend that you helped your mother dispose of a dead body… I gotta say, you’re just not in the right relationship, girl. #goals

3) If Hal is the black hood, how does he justify sleeping with Cheryl’s mom? Didn’t he shoot Luke Perry for only *kissing* Hermione? My plot theory is developing some major holes.

4) Speaking of, are we ever going back to the black hood? I’d much rather that than the bizarre Chic thing.

5) Um, Betty? Not to ignore your nervous breakdown, but do you know where Cheryl got those shoes?

6) How did Alice and Betty not notice the dude’s car parked across the street for TWO DAYS?? Um, hey, next time, maybe take a brief canvas of the neighborhood before you carry a dead body out your front door.

7) Are FP and Alice gonna finally get together now?! I mean, “get you a man that can dispose of a dead body with no trace of his teeth” Am I right?

8) So wait, Hermione is the real mob boss? Hiram is just the front? Now *that* I can believe.

9) Omerta?! Ok, these Riverdale writers aren’t even TRYING to change The Godfather storyline. If they introduce a new character named Apollonia, I’m out. I can’t watch that chick get killed twice.

10) Whyyyyyy do we have to wait until March 7th for more Riverdallllllllllle? Ugh. Savages.

Oh, and one more thing. I’ve seen two articles online about the FP/Alice/Chic lovechild theory. Holla at cha girl- I started that. Praise hands emoji.

I wasn’t able to post last week’s Riverdale questions because my actual life got in the way of my blogging life, so I’d like to say I am v sorry to all of my 7 readers. I still have one question from last week’s episode tho:

Do they let Hiram Lodge stand on a phonebook or something when he films a scene with Archie? Because I am TELLING YOU that dude is an entire head shorter than KJ. Google says they are only 4 inches apart, but that is 100% a high school basketball roster lie.

Now on to Episode 12:

1) BETTY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON YOUR COMPUTER?! STOP IT STOP IT RIGHT NOW ALICE TAKE THAT DOOR OFF THOSE HINGES BETTY! NO.

2) Is Hiram supposed to be a mob boss? There’s no way. *I* could be a better mob boss than this guy. Also, mob bosses do not get in fights over cheese curds. Vito Corleone is rolling over in his grave right now.

3) Did anyone else have an internal struggle when Penny the Snake Charmer came back? I was all: show me where Jughead cut off her tattoo! Wait no, don’t show it to me! LET ME SEE IT AHHHH

4) Why don’t the Coopers just get a divorce? They hate each other and Alice is in love with FP (at least in my mind.) Is it because Hal’s the black hood? You can’t cut him out of the show yet? Gotcha. Wink.

5) OMG I just realized- Is this confirmation scene about to go the way of the baptism scene in The Godfather?!? If it does, Hiram Lodge deserves way more credit than I gave him in question 2.

6) Why did I never connect the dots that “Tallboy” is actually, like, tall? I honestly thought he just drank a lot of those redneck beers.

7) Can Jughead wear this suspender outfit every. single. episode? Yes. Please. #swoon

8) What did we ever do to deserve such a beautiful relationship as #Bughead? *A happy tear falls softly down my cheek.* We are not worthy. #BUGHEAD. FOREVER. Well, at least until that #Barchie kiss comes out.

9) Papa Poutine is dead?? OH SNAP- I definitely did not give Hiram enough credit in question 2. And then Archie lies for him?? Hi, FBI guy, meet the new Tom Hagen. Congrats, Consigliere Archie.

10) DID CHIC AND ALICE STRAIGHT UP MURDER THAT DUDE? WHY IS ALICE MOPPING UP ALL HIS BLOOD?! OMGGGGGGG.