1) First, and most importantly, where can I buy Veronica’s blue velvet jacket?
2) What happened to the cast Archie was wearing?
3) Why has it taken me 15 episodes of this show to notice all the name alliterations? Archie Andrews. Jughead Jones. Geraldine Grundy. Kevin Keller. Penny Peabody. I catch on quick, y’all.
4) If Luke Perry’s wallet is still missing, have they ordered a new debit card and switched all of their auto-pay bills to the new card number? Because that is a bigger pain than being shot. (I mean, probably. I haven’t been shot, but I HATE getting a new debit card.)
5) Where the heck is Polly? It is highly improbable that a super pregnant chick wouldn’t show up to a milkshake party.
6) How did Archie get the blood stains out of his letterman jacket? I can’t even get pen marks off my husband’s shorts.
7) WHERE DID VERONICA’S DAD REALLY SEND SMITHERS!!
8) Why is Penny Peabody called the Snake Charmer? Creepy.
9) Does “Jingle Jangle” give you a sugar high? Because it looked like those kids were eating pixy stix. You know, before the masked man SHOWED UP AND COMPLETELY BLEW THEIR BRAINS OUT. (I am not ok. I am not ok.)
10) Seriously. Smithers. WHERE IS HE HIRAM?