My apologies for the blog being late this week, I was a bit busy. A) I got sucked into a rewatch of Gilmore Girls, Season 2 (am I the only one who thinks Milo was way cuter when he was younger?) B) I spent like half a day in Target buying a velvet ottoman and C) there were a BILLION dances to review! I mean, I love DWTS as much as the next white girl, but FOUR hours in one week is a big commitment y’all. Let’s not do this full 2-night thing again. It’s exhausting. I combined Ballroom Night & Latin Night into one review because no normal human could organize this mess.
13. Barbara Corcoran & Keo (Tango, 17 out of 30)
If anyone deserves the #1 spot in the power rankings this week, it’s Keo’s VELVET SUIT! Slay boy. Slay.
Barbara is presh and when she said she didn’t want people to laugh at her, ugh, I almost started crying. Unfortunately, Barbs only got to dance once this week because she was eliminated Monday night. I kind of wish they would have Shark Tanked her by saying something like, Barbs, you’re a horrendous dancer “and for that reason, you’re out.”
12. Debbie Gibson & Alan (Quickstep, 20 out of 30) & (Argentine Tango, 21 out of 30)
Why did I think her name was spelled Debi? I could have SWORN it was. Are we sure they didn’t change it? Anyway, she got kicked off Tuesday night, so while I may have learned to spell her name correctly, it doesn’t really matter. Oops.
11. Nick Lachey & Peta (Foxtrot, 19 out of 30) & (Argentine Tango, 19 out of 30)
Meh. Nick looks super awkward when he dances and I don’t have much faith in his ability to get better. His Argentine Tango was good though, the judges scored him too low.
10. Nikki Bella & Artem (Waltz, 21 out of 30) & (Samba, 18 out of 30)
I have no idea where to put Nikki in the rankings. I feel like my dislike of her as a human influences my ranking ability. I thought her waltz was boring and her samba was just bad. I don’t understand her. She’s a self-proclaimed tomboy who wears skimpy clothes and parades around throwing men on the ground for a living, but she was nervous about doing a sexy dance? This is why men can’t understand women. We make no sense.
9. T.O. & Cheryl (Foxtrot, 20 out of 30) & (Samba, 19 out of 30)
MY GRACIOUS that Magic Mike move!! Wide-eyed emoji. See, I told y’all T.O. was not that bad! Granted, he has a bit of an attitude problem, but when he admitted he watches Drew on Property Brothers, I lol’d.
8. Drew Scott & Emma (Quickstep, 20 out of 30) & (Rumba, 21 out of 30)
I hate when they show injuries right before people dance. I can’t even focus on the dance because I’m just waiting for a leg to snap. I agree he is “gangly” as the judges said, but the dude can’t help it. He’s like 6’4” 150 pounds! (Idk if this is true.) But the spray tan killed me. Hahahaha so funny.
7. Sasha Pieterse & Gleb (Viennese Waltz, 23 out of 30) & (Rumba, 22 out of 30)
I’m having an issue with Sasha as well. She seems likable and I think she’s a good dancer, but her dances are… boring? Forgettable? Whatever the opposite of memorable is, that’s what her dances are.
6. Derek Fisher & Sharna (Foxtrot, 19 out of 30) & (Paso Doble, 19 out of 30)
I’M SO HAPPY HIS MOM WAS THERE!!! We need to get this woman on as a judge, she knows her stuff. I like Derek and I like his dances, but he’s gonna have to make some big improvements if he wants to stick around.
5. Victoria Arlen & Val (Tango, 24 out of 30) & (Rumba, 20 out of 30)
My favorite part of Val being a pro is when he gets in verbal disagreements with Len. I WANT MORE. MORE! In related news, it was Victoria’s birthday and Taylor Swift sent her flowers, which would be really sweet if T. Swift wasn’t taking over the world.
4. Vanessa Lachey & Maks (Foxtrot, 24 out of 30) & (Salsa, 23 out of 30)
Ok, Vanessa is WAY better than Nick. I thought I wouldn’t like her. You know, because I tend to be a bit judgy of socialite/model/actresses who host TRL (show me your shocked face) but this girl is winning me over! She is really funny too. I almost picked her for my fantasy league next week, but I decided to stick with these three…
3. Lindsey Stirling & Mark (Quickstep, 21 out of 30) & (Salsa, 24 out of 30)
Lindsey is adorable and she looks like a freakin pro out there, but that caterpillar/butterfly stage design was just too much, guys. It looked like a ride at Disney World. You know who she kind of reminds me of? Penny from Dirty Dancing. Just watch, you’ll see it.
2. Frankie Muniz & Witney (Tango, 23 out of 30) & (Cha Cha, 25 out of 30)
I LOVE this dude. Agent Cody Banks gave me 48 points this week in the fantasy league. (I mean, I think. I don’t really know how it works.) With the first 9 of the season, this kid is going places. Y’all better not have slept on my fantasy advice last week!! HOLLLLLLA. Maybe I should start sports gambling…
1. Jordan Fisher & Lindsay (Viennese Waltz, 24 out of 30) & (Samba, 24 out of 30)
Jordan is just ridiculously good. Like insanely, incredibly, RIDICULOUSLY good. He did point his toes weird on that samba, I gotta agree with Len, but this power couple is UN-stoppable. You know, unless no one votes for them. SO VOTE FOR THEM. AHHHHHHHH.
This week’s double elimination: Barbara & Debbie, not Debi.