We interrupt this week’s Power Rankings to bring you a very important announcement: This season sucks. 1) These guys are like D-List celebrities. 2) America kicked off the chick who could dance the best (albeit, I am somewhat to blame for this) and 3) Most of the people left on the show suck at dancing. After this week’s double elimination (which I’m sad to say was the highlight of the episode) it’s barely even a competition anymore. OH AND ALSO, “movie night” was stupid. It wasn’t even real movies! It was just, like, genres. STUPID.
I did enjoy Mandy Moore (not the famous one) as a guest judge and it was about. dang. time. they let her be one. She choreographed the entire freaking movie of La La Land (which was phenomenal by the way) and they let Pitbull judge before her. TWICE! Eye rolling emoji.
Negative Nancy will now return you to your regularly scheduled blog:
7. Bonner Bolton & Sharna, Paso Doble (29 out of 40)
There was so much going on in this dance, that it was hard for me to watch Bonner. Which maybe turned out to be a good thing because his dancing was *really* bad. Bonner may love westerns, but he’s no Clint Eastwood. Or Raylan Givens for that matter. (Speaking of Raylan, I’d like to use this opportunity to run an ad for my Justified blog: Coming Soon!)
6. Nick Viall & Peta, Argentine Tango (34 out of 40)
I don’t know what is the matter with these people because their dance was decent, but Nick and Peta both look completely miserable.
5. David Ross & Lindsay, Salsa (32 out of 40)
Oh. My. Gosh. I had to wipe tears from my eyes after watching David and Lindsay’s package. I’m not usually one to find bodily functions hilarious, but I laughed SO HARD. I give it 10 crying laughing emojis! Lindsay is such a good sport. The fact that she was totally cool with showing that on national television is exactly why I love her. Not to mention, it’s been all over the internet since Monday night and she is still laughing about it on Twitter. David’s dance was good this week, he’s way more fun to watch when he’s in his element, just being chill and having fun. (Nick and Peta could take a lesson from these two.)
4. Nancy Kerrigan & Artem, Tango (36 out of 40)
I really liked this dance! Unfortunately, it wasn’t because of Nancy, it’s because I’m OBSESSED with Pretty Woman. “These are broken, mine are broken.”
3. Simone Biles & Sasha, Charleston (37 out of 40)
Watch: Simone’s Charleston
This dance was great! That one handed cartwheel they did holding hands was super impressive, but Simone still looks like she’s just going through the motions. I guess it’s hard to shake that olympic gold medal muscle memory.
2. Rashad Jennings & Emma, Paso Doble (37 out of 40)
Watch: Rashad’s Paso Doble
Props to Rashad for writing that creepy story!! It actually totally freaked me out. I really liked this dance, but I’m a little bit afraid to watch it again. You guys are on your own with this link.
1. Normani Kordei & Val, Argentine Tango (40 out of 40)
Watch: Normani’s Argentine Tango
I feel like halfway through every one of Normani’s dances I just say, my LORD, she can dance. It’s a good thing she won immunity this week. I’m unsure of how strong her voting fanbase is and WE CANNOT LOSE ANOTHER GOOD DANCER, AMERICA.
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye:
Nick Viall & Peta
Nancy Kerrigan & Artem
DUDE. How are David and Bonner still on this show?! I’m assuming the entire Cubs fanbase is voting for David, (they showed his dance during another rain delay Monday night) but who the heck is voting for Bonner? I find it hard to believe there’s a huge crossover of Professional Bull Riding fans watching Dancing With the Stars. I guess they have just won America’s hearts. That, or there’s a lot of desperate housewives watching this show. Which we kind of already knew.