DWTS, Power Rankings, Week 4

I think we’re all (wo)man enough to admit that Most Memorable Year makes us completely BAWL OUR EYES OUT. My gracious, I was sobbing three dances in! Also, it’s *really* hard to make fun of people for their awkward dancing when they bear their soul to you, but… I’m still gonna try.

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10. Erika Jayne & Gleb, Cha Cha (30 out of 40)

Slutty Erika and Gleb are back! Can’t say that I missed them, *she mumbles under her breath.* Len is right. She’s hit a plateau, but she’ll be gone soon, so no one cares.

9. Mr. T & Kym, Waltz (28 out of 40)

Four weeks in and I LOVE this man! He’s a Christian? He beat cancer? SO many things I didn’t know. Did you see his tear fall at the end of his video package? Well if Mr. T is gonna cry…

8. Nancy Kerrigan & Artem, Foxtrot (33 out of 40)

Nancy’s dance kind of bored me, but also, I couldn’t see most of it because my eyes were all blurry and fuzzy from crying. MOST MEMORABLE YEAR IS BRUTAL, MAN.

7. Nick Viall & Peta, Rumba (30 out of 40)

Some weeks, the music on this show is horrendous. Other weeks, we get a super cool acoustic version of Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You. Two thumbs up emojis. Julianne said this was Nick’s best dance and I agree. I could have lived without the make-out sesh at the end tho. Ew. We get it, you like each other. (For now.)

6. Bonner Bolton & Sharna, Foxtrot (32 out of 40)

I had already cried all the tears (thanks to Rashad) by the time they showed Bonner’s story, so instead of crying I just held my hands over my gaping mouth for 3 solid minutes. I can’t unsee that neck injury. It was awful. I mean, up there with Kevin Ware’s leg and Bo Jackson’s hip. #SPORTS. As for the dance, I was very impressed. He’s not good enough to win the mirror ball, but hopefully he’s good enough to win Sharna… Ba Dum Tsh.

5. David Ross & Lindsay, Viennese Waltz (31 out of 40)

How awesome was it that they showed David’s dance on the jumbotron at the Cub’s home opener?! That HAS to be a first. His waltz was preeeeety choppy, but I LURVE these guys and I will continue to vote for them. Oh, and Len with the baseball signals? A thousand crying laughing emojis.

4. Simone Biles & Sasha, Viennese Waltz (36 out of 40)

Has anyone ever danced to a worship song before?? Simone danced great to Good, Good Father (as my husband and I loudly sang along) and she would have made the Top 3 this week if it weren’t for BEYONCE’S BACKUP DANCER.

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3. Heather Morris & Maks/Alan, Cha Cha (35 out of 40)

Watch: Heather’s Cha Cha to Shut Up and Dance

Ok, yeah she did good and I really liked this dance. Sue me.

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2. Normani Kordei & Val, Rumba, (32 out of 40)

Watch: Normani’s Rumba to Impossible

So, I didn’t know Fifth Harmony sung this song and I REALLY like it! Ugh, I am becoming part of the harem. Normani should have had a higher score, but Carrie Ann is SO ANNOYING WITH THE LIFT THING. Does anyone even know the rules??

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1. Rashad Jennings & Emma, Contemporary (39 out of 40)

Watch: Rashad’s Contemporary to Unconditionally

I LOVE the contemporary dance, it’s so weird and… beatnik. This dance was beautiful. I cried a small amount during the video package, but then somewhere smack in the middle of his dance, I just burst into tears. By the end, when he hugs his father, I was sobbing uncontrollably. Rashad is a GREAT dancer. He deserves to win.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye:

I was much more sad than I thought I would be when Mr. T got eliminated. I feel like I lost my giant black grandpa. Can I say that on the blog? Too late. Here’s hoping next week’s show won’t require extra makeup to cover our puffy eyes!!

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