So. My FAB trip to Hawaii set me back on TV watching (whoops), but I’m FINALLY caught back up and I’d like to say thank you (mom) for your patience on my Victoria finale thoughts. First, can we take a minute to talk about how BEAUTIFUL the opening theme for this show is? It’s perfect. It’s soft and light in the beginning, but then grows strong and regal, just like Victoria herself. I have no idea what the name of this song is, but does anyone know if it’s on iTunes? Would I look like a complete idiot riding around in my car, belting out “HAL-LELUUU-UUUJAH?” Yeah, I thought so, but I just needed to get that out before the last blog. On to the recap.
It’s nice to know that the Queen of England is just like every other SUPER pregnant woman: Cranky. The whole squad’s back in town to wait for the baby to be born, but honestly it doesn’t seem that different than when we hashtagged #RoyalBabyWatch and stared at the 7 hour live stream waiting for Prince George to come outside…Does it? Ok yeah, it’s different, but mostly because everyone is sitting around WAITING TO SEE IF SHE DIES! How. Morbid. It’s crazy how real her fear of dying is. She is terrified, which is a huge win for modern technology because the biggest thing women have to worry about today is if things go according to their “birth plan.” Eye rolling emoji. Victoria demands to have a wet nurse (for which she would be CRUCIFIED on Facebook, btw) and her mom gets all judgy. Victoria sarcastically retorts, “She is not a queen. And I am not a cow.” Excuse me for just a minute. I’m ROTFL.
Some baby-faced kid named Oxford tries to assassinate Victoria, only he forgets to put bullets in the gun. He claims the “Young England Society” is behind the plot, but it turns out he’s just freakin crazy and is acquitted by reason of insanity. While babyface is in prison, rumors spread that the event was orchestrated by wannabe-throne-stealing-Uncle Cumberland. (Apparently, he killed his dad, but still rules a country, so everyone’s super chill about it.) Victoria shows her maturity and her ability to rule as a FANTASTIC queen by backing the English Justice System (dun, dun) in their decision to acquit Oxford. In a confrontation with Uncle Cumberland she tells him, “I know I am a better monarch than you could ever be.” BOOM. Put that old fool in his place.
Guess Who’s Back? Back Again…
Ernest rolls into town (note: not on a white horse) still clutching that danged handkerchief. He uses classic middle school tactics to get Harriet to admit she likes him back. He’s trying so hard to make us believe he’s SUCH a good guy now, because he didn’t try to sleep with the married woman he likes. He only made out with her. To this I have a Joey reaction:
Exactly, Joey. Exactly.
A super pregnant Victoria eats candy out of a bowl balancing on her stomach and IT IS SO CUTE. She has a sincerely touching moment with Uncle Leo and I’d like to point out how HUGE of a deal it is when a pregnant woman shares her food. They’ve officially bonded. Victoria goes into labor in a scene that I’m pretty sure was toned down from real life, but still waaaaaay more real than when Aunt Becky popped out twins on Full House. Real talk tho: My eyes just started pouring out tears when she called for her mama. They don’t have the best relationship and Victoria is a stubborn, I-do-it-myself kind of daughter, but there are just times in a girl’s life when she needs her mama.
It’s not a boy and Albert says, “We should call her Victoria, after a great queen.” I cry. And can’t wait for Season 2.