DWTS Power Rankings: The Contenders

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4. Jana Kramer & Gleb

These two walk around now trying to act all sweet, but for like the first month of the season, all they did was dance super slutty! See above. Don’t get me wrong, girl can dance, but girl can also do A LOT of splits. BTW, if Len hadn’t been MIA most of this season, (where the heck is he?? Contract obligations? I should do more research on this) he would have nipped all that sexiness in the bud. Jana is a great dancer, but I don’t think she’s good enough to win.

Parental Advisory if you’re going to watch this link, but it’s her most iconic dance of the season: Jana & Gleb’s Argentine Tango

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3. Calvin Johnson & Lindsay

Ok. Megatron spinning these 2 girls in the air like this?! Straight up crazy. Lindsay is my favorite, favorite pro EVER EVER! I think she is highly underrated as a great teacher and an excellent choreographer. Plus, she’s flat out adorable and has the body we all have considered taking up dancing to get. (Even though we’re 10 years older and stuff our face with carbs all day.) Anyway, Calvin has really improved this season and I am SO HAPPY he made the Finals! It was a close call. I don’t think he’ll win- the judges always seem to score him WAY more harshly than everyone else and I have no idea why. (He doesn’t do heel leads maybe? WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS, JUDGES.) I would be super happy to see Lindsay win the Mirror Ball though. I absolutely love her.

This Salsa Trio was ON POINT and also I’m a Latina on the inside so I love anything with Reggaeton: Calvin, Lindsay & Witney Salsa Trio

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2. James Hinchcliffe & Sharna/Jenna/Whoever else they run out there because he is amazing

No-name James Hinchcliffe (Nickname: Hinchtown) is an Indy Car Racer who had an accident last year that really should have killed him. Yet, here he is, not just walking- but DANCING insanely well. Julianne said he is “the best male dancer” that’s ever been a contestant on this show. A few weeks ago, Sharna injured her knee so James had to switch partners back and forth, which apparently is hard? But like I know- I can’t even juju on that beat right. But this guy, MY GOODNESS WHAT CAN HE NOT DO?! He’s funny, he’s cute, he’s sweet, he’s A WALKING MIRACLE and I’m obsessed with him. Also, I 100% thought his name was really Hinchtown for like half the season.

It’s kind of sad that James’ best dance wasn’t with Sharna. This video went viral after Halloween. Apparently people are into Harley Quinn? I live under a rock: James & Jenna’s Halloween Waltz

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1. Laurie Hernandez & Val

Laurie is such a precious soul and she is SO cute! Her two dreams in life (lol, she’s 16) were to be in the Olympics and on DWTS and she’s done both this year. She was part of #TheFinalFive and if there’s anything we American girls love IT’S OUR GYMNASTICS TEAMS DANG IT. Laurie got the first perfect score of the season and also, she danced so beautifully she brought Eastern-European-Val to tears. (Eastern Europeans do NOT cry.) Her grandmother died this past week and all of America was sobbing along with her during her dance Monday night. (See, she makes us all cry too, Val.) There have been a number of gymnasts on this show, but Laurie Hernandez has out performed them all. She’s the real deal. Great athlete, great dancer, great person.

Laurie’s killer Michael Jackson dance: Laurie & Val’s Jazz

THE CHAMP:

This is the first season I’ve ever wished they could cut the Mirror Ball in half, King Solomon style, because James and Laurie both deserve to win. Obviously, Laurie comes in as the favorite. She’s an olympic gymnast for cryin’ out loud. But a dude that sits in a car all day? That just last year had to learn to walk again? I mean, how do you root against that?! If I have to choose a winner based on best performance on the dance floor: Laurie should win. My head says Laurie, but my heart says James.

Tune in Monday night to watch the Finals, and Tuesday night to see who wins the Mirror Ball!! If you still don’t care after reading both of my OFFICIAL DWPYHO power rankings, you can always tune in to make fun of Erin Andrews like the rest of America.

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