Gilmore Girls: Last Four Words

SPOILER ALERT!!!! Do NOT read this if you don’t already know the last four words!!!!

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Everyone on Twitter is losing their minds over Lorelai and Rory’s last four words. They’re outraged! They want more episodes! They’re mad they didn’t get closure! As a self-proclaimed Gilmore girls connoisseur, I completely disagree. I thought it was actually a perfect (non)conclusion to the cycle of who our Gilmore girls are.

Rory: “Mom.”

Lorelai: “Yeah?”

Rory: “I’m pregnant.”

Since Amy Sherman-Palladino didn’t write season 7 and she originally wanted 8 seasons, the entire time I watched this revival I kept imagining how she would have written it back then. (I read that she never even WATCHED season 7, which explains a few of the plot loopholes.) At the end of season 6, Luke & Lorelai had just broken up and Lorelai went back to Christopher. In my head, I see their relationship failing throughout season 7, while in season 8, Luke and Lorelai realize they should finally get married.

If we’re keeping with this theory, I don’t believe Logan would have ever proposed. These episodes pick up with him still in London, like the end of season 6. (And btw, did you SEE him shirtless? Time has been good to our boy.) So, it’s far more likely that the “dynastic plan” as he painstakingly refers to it, caused him and Rory to develop a no strings, long distance type thing, thus explaining their current relationship. Also, Rory would find out she’s pregnant at the end of season 8, but she’d only be 23, instead of 32. (Which makes WAY more sense in keeping with the show’s theme.) She’d still be trying to find her way in the world, would end up writing the same book, and would be tossed in love between Logan and Jess.

Now for the beauty of this show: Logan is to Christopher as Jess is to Luke. I’ve never been great at analogies, but I got this one.

Rory goes to see her dad, and asks a lot of questions about Lorelai raising her on her own. You think it’s just research for her book and Christopher has a great line when he says “Try not to make me too big a villain, I was stupid, but I loved her… and you.” When you rewatch it, it’s like you can SEE Logan’s face saying that same thing to his kid one day.

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I was very curious how this would play out because fans were pretty split down the middle for #TeamLogan and #TeamJess. (#TeamDean shouldn’t even be a thing.) And honestly, I think Amy intended it that way. She wrote the show where there were times I was like wait… Am I rooting for Christopher and Lorelai?? She made me doubt my own Luke loving self. Which is the same thing she’s done to us with Rory, Logan and Jess. (Bonus: Logan and Jess even hate each other! I mean, could it be more obvious?) I am HARD CORE #TeamJess, but I found myself not wanting to part with Logan in these episodes. This show was brilliantly written because the way I feel about Logan is EXACTLY the way I feel about Christopher.

I don’t think Netflix should make any more episodes, because we know what’s going to happen. It’s a repeat of what we’ve already seen. Logan will be in and out of Rory and their kid’s life, just like Christopher was. They love each other, but they will never quite figure it out. Jess will stick around helping Rory with whatever she needs. Encouraging her, supporting her, being a best friend, all while denying he loves her. (I mean, that look through the window, COME ON. He looks at Rory, the way Luke looks at Lorelai.) Someday, Rory will realize she loves him, just like Lorelai did with Luke. (Hopefully, it doesn’t take near as long.) We don’t NEED to watch it. I mean, I totally WANT to, but we don’t NEED to. We have the satisfaction of knowing Rory will end up with Jess, because we saw Luke finally get what he always wanted.

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The Twitter outrage is saying things like “But Rory was supposed to be better! Lorelai sacrificed so much for her to not have the same life!” Are we supposed to think after watching 157 episodes of this show that somehow Lorelai’s life would have been better WITHOUT Rory? Everyone acts like a kid ruins your life, but have we not been told over and over that Lorelai’s current (happy) life exists solely BECAUSE of Rory? Yes, there was heartache. But there was oh so much more joy.

Watching this show as a teenager, I didn’t fully understand it. But watching this as a 30 year old woman, I’ve come to realize that each one of our characters is fundamentally flawed. And that really life is a constant cycle of trying to overcome our flaws, but never fully being able to do so. In my perfect teenage head, the Emilys and Lorelais would learn to get along, the Lukes and Jess(s) would be able to articulate their feelings and the Christophers and Logans of the world wouldn’t make such selfish decisions. But that’s not how life works, and this show is a beautiful picture of that. Life doesn’t end with each storyline tied up in a neat little bow- Life just keeps on going. Which is why I think the ending is perfect, even though it’s not really an end. It’s yet another chapter in the Gilmore girls book.

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Post Script:

If Netflix IS going to make more episodes, could we PLEASE have a spinoff with the Life and Death Brigade, starring Logan, Robert, Colin and Finn? I NEED FINN IN MY LIFE. Rory and her lost boys are straight up adorable, hilarious, and wildly entertaining. I cried for almost the entire Fall episode anyway, but I sobbed my eyes out when Rory and these guys had to say goodbye. In Omnia Paratus! We’ll miss you, boys.

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Thanksgiving Holiday TV Guide

You know the Thanksgiving drill. Eat, shop, get a couple days off work and survive in VERY tight quarters with a lot of family members. You can’t talk about the election (read: *shouldn’t* talk about the election). You don’t want to answer for the umpteenth time why you and such and such broke up. You shop to get out of the house for a minute, but eventually you run out of money and your feet hurt. Time to turn on the TV! Here’s what you should watch:

Football! If you hate football, you should just save your carbs and skip Thanksgiving all together, because there will be A LOT of football. These are the games that will be the most entertaining:

Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys

Cowboys and Indians on Thanksgiving day? Are they still allowing this in PC 2016? You might have one emotional family member at your Thanksgiving table crying over the election, but let’s be for real- Bring up Tony Romo’s “resignation” speech and the entire table will start sobbing.

LSU at Texas A&M

Texas A&M lasted a hot second in the playoff rankings this year (RIP to those 4 days) so this game doesn’t matter. But let’s take a minute to discuss the real issue here. We all know this game SHOULD be Texas at Texas A&M. What do we have to do to get that game back? I mean, we got Chick-fil-A to bring back their original BBQ sauce, there HAS to be a way to get this done.

Auburn at Alabama:

IMO, this is the greatest rivalry game in all of sports. The tradition…the rednecks…it doesn’t get any better. The best part about this game is even though Alabama absolutely destroys every.single.team.they.play. (foreshadowing to my poor Gators on Dec. 3) in a rivalry like this anything can happen, kick six.

Michigan at Ohio State:

I hate both of these teams and wish they could both lose, but this game has MAJOR playoff ranking implications. Also, good luck to all you Ohio State fans out there when you find out 5 years from now there’s a murderer on your team. #Urban

When you’re tired of football/want to hide from everyone watching it: 

The Crown 

If you know me at all and/or follow me on Twitter, you know I’m OBSESSED with the royal family. Kate Middleton is my spirit animal and I send photos of George and Charlotte to my family, like they are my actual children. When the latest news of Prince Harry and Rachel-from-Suits broke, it was gossip central on my phone and my husband made this joke:

Me: “Prince Harry is actually for real dating Meghan Markle OMGGGGG”

Him: “Mike is gonna be PISSED.”

When I saw an advertisement for The Crown, I knew this show would be straight up my lowly, commoner alley. The Crown tells the story of how the current Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, came to power. I am only a couple episodes in (I’ll be posting recaps btw, once everyone has a chance to watch) and I love it already. I can only hope that one day I’ll be watching an entire Netflix series about Kate Middleton and her fabulous wardrobe.

You know I saved the best for last: Gilmore Girls Revival!!!

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WE HAVE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS FOR THIS. Bless-ed four, 90-minute episodes that will allow us back into Stars Hollow for one more year of sweet Gilmore bliss. Back with Lorelai and Rory and their caffeine induced pop culture references. Back to see if Luke is still wearing the same hat and what bizarre town activity Kirk and Taylor are planning. Back for one last look at Dean, Jess and Logan to determine which one Rory will choose. (#TeamJess!) Back to wonder if Luke and Lorelai will EVER get married?! And back to FINALLY hear the last four words.

You can check out my favorite Gilmore Girls episodes here, but on the morning of November 25th, you better make sure you have your affairs in order. I mean it. Get your pizza, your burgers, your fries, licorice, mallowmars, assortment of poptarts, donuts and ice cream because it’s not just a TV show…it’s a lifestyle.

Favorite Gilmore Girls Episodes

In honor of this Friday’s GLORIOUS event, I’ve listed my favorite episode from each Gilmore Girls season. If you don’t have time to re-watch all 153 episodes before Friday, because like, you have a job- you should make time to watch these in preparation for A Year in the Life. 

Season 1, Episode 6: “Rory’s Birthday Parties” 

In the juxtaposition of Rory’s two VASTLY different birthday parties, we learn quite a bit about our Gilmore Girls. This episode marks a shift toward Emily, Lorelai and Rory learning to understand each other and repair broken family ties.

Bonus: One of the best mother/daughter moments on the entire show when Lorelai wakes Rory up at the exact time she was born and lovingly/dramatically retells her birth story.

Season 2, Episode 22: “I Can’t Get Started”

I love this episode for one reason: RORY KISSES JESS AND WE ALL FORGET WHO DEAN EVEN IS. (#TeamJess) Sookie’s wedding and responsible/adorable Christopher Hayden also make an appearance.

Bonus: This episode boasts the world famous “Oy, with the poodles already!” scene.

It’s a tie because I can’t choose: 

Season 3, Episode 7: “They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They?”

The 24 hour dance marathon is CLASSIC Stars Hollow. Hilarity ensues by the towns people, the gloves come off in the Rory-Dean-Jess love triangle and Kirk puts on his finest performance.

Season 3, Episode 9: “A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving”

This episode has all the makings of a perfect Gilmore adventure. Jess and Rory’s new relationship, Sookie’s in-laws, and four Thanksgiving dinners to “eat and eat and eat and eat.” Don’t skip the rolls.

Bonus: Cat Kirk.

Season 4, Episode 22: “Raincoats & Recipes”

SO MUCH HAPPENS in this episode and honestly, it’s the only one in Season 4 that’s not super boring. Rory sleeps with married Dean (I don’t love that) and LUKE KISSES LORELAI OMG.

Bonus: The test run at the Dragonfly. Pure. Gold.

Season 5, Episode 7: “You Jump, I Jump, Jack”

I am obsessed with the Life and Death Brigade. Logan & company are admittedly charming and I would have TOTALLY been talked into jumping off the scaffolding with just an umbrella too. This episode is great because it’s our first glimpse into Rory and Logan’s budding relationship.

Bonus: Luke golfs in jeans.

Season 6, Episode 8: “Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out”

I love this episode because: Jess. But also because it’s when the lightbulb finally comes on for Rory. Our girl has been making VERY questionable decisions, quitting Yale, not speaking to her mother and getting sucked into the rich, privileged life of Logan & company. There’s no one better to snap her back to reality than her old flame, Jess.

Bonus: The Jess & Logan feud.

Season 7, Episode 22: “Bon Voyage” 

I don’t really love any of Season 7, but the series finale gives us one last look at a full Stars Hollow cast to see our beloved towns people send Rory off. Luke spends all night sewing a tent so rain won’t ruin their party and Lorelai realizes how much they still love each other. They kiss and we’re left to hope/assume they end up together.

Bonus: When Rory says to Lorelai “You’ve given me everything I need.” Get your tissues ready, folks. This one brings out all the feels.

It’s important to note that Amy Sherman-Palladino, because of contract negotiations (read: fighting) did not write Season 7, so for almost 10 years we’ve been wondering how the show was really SUPPOSED to end. Amy and our Gilmore Girls will finally get the ending they deserve with the Netflix revival and their long awaited last four words.

GET READY, people. It’s THIS. FRIDAY.

DWTS Power Rankings: The Contenders

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4. Jana Kramer & Gleb

These two walk around now trying to act all sweet, but for like the first month of the season, all they did was dance super slutty! See above. Don’t get me wrong, girl can dance, but girl can also do A LOT of splits. BTW, if Len hadn’t been MIA most of this season, (where the heck is he?? Contract obligations? I should do more research on this) he would have nipped all that sexiness in the bud. Jana is a great dancer, but I don’t think she’s good enough to win.

Parental Advisory if you’re going to watch this link, but it’s her most iconic dance of the season: Jana & Gleb’s Argentine Tango

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3. Calvin Johnson & Lindsay

Ok. Megatron spinning these 2 girls in the air like this?! Straight up crazy. Lindsay is my favorite, favorite pro EVER EVER! I think she is highly underrated as a great teacher and an excellent choreographer. Plus, she’s flat out adorable and has the body we all have considered taking up dancing to get. (Even though we’re 10 years older and stuff our face with carbs all day.) Anyway, Calvin has really improved this season and I am SO HAPPY he made the Finals! It was a close call. I don’t think he’ll win- the judges always seem to score him WAY more harshly than everyone else and I have no idea why. (He doesn’t do heel leads maybe? WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS, JUDGES.) I would be super happy to see Lindsay win the Mirror Ball though. I absolutely love her.

This Salsa Trio was ON POINT and also I’m a Latina on the inside so I love anything with Reggaeton: Calvin, Lindsay & Witney Salsa Trio

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2. James Hinchcliffe & Sharna/Jenna/Whoever else they run out there because he is amazing

No-name James Hinchcliffe (Nickname: Hinchtown) is an Indy Car Racer who had an accident last year that really should have killed him. Yet, here he is, not just walking- but DANCING insanely well. Julianne said he is “the best male dancer” that’s ever been a contestant on this show. A few weeks ago, Sharna injured her knee so James had to switch partners back and forth, which apparently is hard? But like I know- I can’t even juju on that beat right. But this guy, MY GOODNESS WHAT CAN HE NOT DO?! He’s funny, he’s cute, he’s sweet, he’s A WALKING MIRACLE and I’m obsessed with him. Also, I 100% thought his name was really Hinchtown for like half the season.

It’s kind of sad that James’ best dance wasn’t with Sharna. This video went viral after Halloween. Apparently people are into Harley Quinn? I live under a rock: James & Jenna’s Halloween Waltz

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1. Laurie Hernandez & Val

Laurie is such a precious soul and she is SO cute! Her two dreams in life (lol, she’s 16) were to be in the Olympics and on DWTS and she’s done both this year. She was part of #TheFinalFive and if there’s anything we American girls love IT’S OUR GYMNASTICS TEAMS DANG IT. Laurie got the first perfect score of the season and also, she danced so beautifully she brought Eastern-European-Val to tears. (Eastern Europeans do NOT cry.) Her grandmother died this past week and all of America was sobbing along with her during her dance Monday night. (See, she makes us all cry too, Val.) There have been a number of gymnasts on this show, but Laurie Hernandez has out performed them all. She’s the real deal. Great athlete, great dancer, great person.

Laurie’s killer Michael Jackson dance: Laurie & Val’s Jazz

THE CHAMP:

This is the first season I’ve ever wished they could cut the Mirror Ball in half, King Solomon style, because James and Laurie both deserve to win. Obviously, Laurie comes in as the favorite. She’s an olympic gymnast for cryin’ out loud. But a dude that sits in a car all day? That just last year had to learn to walk again? I mean, how do you root against that?! If I have to choose a winner based on best performance on the dance floor: Laurie should win. My head says Laurie, but my heart says James.

Tune in Monday night to watch the Finals, and Tuesday night to see who wins the Mirror Ball!! If you still don’t care after reading both of my OFFICIAL DWPYHO power rankings, you can always tune in to make fun of Erin Andrews like the rest of America.

DWTS Power Rankings

My husband affectionately calls Dancing with the Stars, “Dancing with People You’ve Heard Of” because they are sort of using the term “Star” loosely. The DWTS (or DWPYHO) Season 23 Finale will air this Monday & Tuesday night on ABC. If you’ve missed the entire season, you can catch up with these power rankings of the couples we’ve lost along the way. Cue the Hunger Games sky hologram.

Bye Felicia:

13. Amber Rose & Maks

I am putting Amber Rose last in my rankings, even though she made it farther in the competition than others did, for one very important reason: SHE IS SO ANNOYING. Everything with her was melodrama. She can’t dance and she picked a stupid fight with Julianne. Sigh. What was Wiz Khalifa thinking?

12. Jake T. Austin & Jenna 

This poor guy got eliminated first, although I don’t think he was the worst dancer. But if we needed someone to check the box for “young teenage heartthrob”- I liked Hayes Grier better. Moving on.

11. Rick Perry & Emma

Fun fact: I actually met Rick Perry when I lived in Texas. Shook his hand, had a conversation with him, had NO idea who the dude was. I applaud him for coming on this show. He spread awareness for our veterans and we got to see a dance with Texas flags flying everywhere. #TexasForever (Oh look, another opportunity to post a photo of Tim Riggins.)

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10. Babyface & Allison

Babyface wasn’t too shabby of a dancer, but the best part about him being on this show were these exchanges in my household:

*Babyface’s face flashes across the screen.*

My husband: “Wow! He looks YOUNG!”

Me: …………………………………………. “BABY-face.”

That really happened, but then my husband redeemed himself with some jokes about how the judges should address Babyface. “Baby…” “Mr. Babyface…” “Mr. Face…?” it was hysterical.

9. Maureen McCormick & Artem

Marsha Marsha Marsha is apparently a HUGE DWPYHO fan and somehow thought she could actually win. (Eye roll.) She was also pretty emotional and each week I felt like America was just watching her have a meltdown. Her story about her husband helping to save her from a cocaine addiction though was actually very touching. You go, Maureen.

8. Vanilla Ice & Whitney

This guy. I had NO idea Vanilla Ice was so friendly. He ended up in a bromance with Rick Perry! I thought he was a decent dancer, and I was sad when he got eliminated. P.S. My husband made the same Babyface jokes here too: “Vanilla…” “Mr. Vanilla…” “Mr. Ice…” Don’t these people have normal names on a birth certificate somewhere?!

7. Ryan Lochte & Cheryl

After some Week 1 drama caused by protestors (who were 40 year old GROWN MEN btw… #2016) our last glimpse of Ryan Lochte showed him happy and dancing pretty well. DWPYHO seems to have helped Lochte recover from his international incident. Maybe he should just stay home for awhile. Travel domestically. Have you been to Montana, Ryan? I hear it’s lovely and the gas station attendants all speak English.

6. Marilu Henner & Derek

Derek Hough is the Lebron James of dancing and I think he got screwed this year with Marilu. Now, I’m not trying to be mean. She is freaking 60 years old and if my legs look half as good as hers when I’m a senior citizen, I’ll be prancing around in a tutu as well. But WHAT IS WITH THESE OLD PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY THINK THEY CAN WIN… This chick went way farther in the competition than anyone thought she would. Congratulations and please tell Tony Danza we love that song Elton John wrote for him.

5. Terra Jole & Sasha

My friend’s daughter calls Terra the “mini woman” and I’m sure that’s not PC- but you have to admit it’s pretty funny. Terra seriously has the BEST attitude on this show. (Well, her and sweet adorable Laurie Hernandez.) She’s a very good dancer, and last night she danced SO well I thought she might make the Finals over Calvin.

With Terra’s elimination, we are left with four couples as true contenders to win the Mirror Ball Trophy:

Calvin Johnson & Lindsay 

James Hinchcliffe & Sharna

Jana Kramer & Gleb

Laurie Hernandez & Val

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s fanalysis to see who earns the top spot in these OFFICIAL DWPYHO rankings!! (And yes, there is supposed to be an F there. It’s analysis…done by a fan… Nevermind.)

Longmire: The Best Show You’ve Never Heard Of

I can’t lie to you. I first heard of this show because of a cute boy. You remember Aiden from Revenge, right? Freaking-adorable-British-bad-boy Aiden. (Sigh. Miss you.) Anyway, turns out beautiful Aiden Mathis’ real name is Barry Sloane. He posted an Instagram photo saying he was going to be in this show called Longmire and I was like “what the heck is Longmire, but who cares because I’ll watch anything with Aiden Mathis in it again.” (My husband can attest to this because I forced him to watch like 8 episodes of The Whispers before we just couldn’t stand it anymore. That’s #truelove, Barry Sloane.) Longmire, on the other hand, turned out to be a diamond in the rough and you should all start binge watching it RIGHT THIS SECOND. Here’s why you should watch all 5 seasons on Netflix:

1. Cowboys and Indians

The show centers around Walt Longmire, the Sheriff of (pretend) Absaroka County in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, located next to the Cheyenne Reservation. There’s a ton of bureaucratic rules between the white man’s land and the Rez (what the cool kids call it) so Walt is always doing something to anger the Tribal Police and vice versa. Mix in some murder, racketeering, a little peyote- and you’ve got yourself a good ole fashioned cowboys and indians feud. (Feather, not dot, obviously.) In an ironic twist, Walt’s best friend is a Native American named Henry Standing Bear. He speaks without ever using a contraction. It’s weird, but endearing.

2. John Wayne Revival

Did we all grow up with dads obsessed with John Wayne and Clint Eastwood? Because I certainly did. Walt Longmire is a modern day John Wayne. He plays by his own rules, never uses conventional methods to solve a crime and usually ends up putting himself in danger to save someone else. He’s tough, yet caring. A man of few words, yet delivers a punch when he chooses to speak. He’s the quintessential American cowboy and in today’s fast-paced technological world, he’s a no-cell-phone-carrying breath of fresh air.

3. Drama, Suspense & Utter Shock 

Ok, so this is really what we’re after in a good show, right? Something that makes us say YESSSSSSS to Netflix’s condescending “Are you still watching?” question. (I hate that thing.) You have to be patient with Longmire in the beginning. Each episode is kind of it’s own individual crime/solve the crime formula. However, the story soon starts to overarch through entire seasons with some insane twists and turns that you just. can’t. stop. watching.

4. Eye Candy

Whether you’re 25 or 65, we all can appreciate a little TV eye candy. #amiright? (And trust me, I actually know a 60 year old woman who thinks Walt is hott. Crying laughing emoji.) I told you Barry Sloane is in it, but he’s actually only in a few episodes. So here’s some photos for you to see Walt, Branch and Travis. (Disclaimer: I don’t particularly find Travis attractive and he’s kind of a doofus- BUT, he’s the same actor who played Tim Riggins’ brother in Friday Night Lights and I’ll use any excuse available to post a photo of Tim Riggins. You’re welcome.) There are also a fair number of shirtless, war-painted Native Americans with super long black hair, if you’re into that kind of thing.

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Walt
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Branch
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Travis
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Tim Riggins (Not in this show. Don’t care.)

5. Of course, the Love Story

You can pack all the mystery, gunshot wounds and Wyoming wilderness into any show, but the underlying love story really sells it. The Longmire curtain opens with Walt mourning the death of his beloved wife. The story takes about a million twists and turns from there, while the entire town thinks he’s secretly in love with his (much younger) deputy, Victoria Moretti. (Who is a PISTOL, by the way.) Is Vic in love with him? Is their relationship inappropriate? Or is it just a close, caring bond as is expected when you put your life on the line for each other. Guess you’ll have to watch and decide for yourself.

Longmire’s final season will air exclusively on Netflix sometime next fall. Until then, you have almost a year to start and finish your binge. We all know you don’t even need half that time. So grab yourself a Rainier (unless you’re a Baptist) and enjoy your tour of the wild wild west.